This summer morning, as I look out onto my view from my "treehouse office" at parrots flying low and a moon sailing over pine trees to its rest on the western horizon, I am reminded of Proverbs 13:12, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
Perhaps my lighter heart this morning is in response to a number of good events over the last few days. Maybe I'm setting myself up for yet another emotional disaster that hope deferred brings.
But this morning, I feel good. Really good.
Getting married and moving to Australia in January 2007 was a bigger life change than I realized.
There were a lot of highly charged emotional things going on at the same time back in the States, and adding to the mix, the marriage isn't as easy-peasy as I thought it would be.
There were also roadblocks and other outside forces to deal with here that I had no idea were lurking around the corner to ambush me...a steady drone for years.
I finally talked to a professional about some of these things. It felt good to be validated and listened to and understood, and to know there is help available for me without prescriptions, and most of all there is hope.
I'm done with the guilt of feeling like Jesus should be enough, why isn't He? He is...and sometimes He uses other people as His hands throwing me a life jacket.
The biggest source of my joy this week were three week-long visitors.
My step-niece Josie and her 1-year-old daughter, Sienna, along with a friend's daughter from the US, Stephanie, are here.
They are young, fresh, and interesting in conversation (when we aren't chasing Sienna) and easy, enjoyable companions. For being perfect strangers, the two young women are getting along like a house on fire, and adventures are planned for the week.
When I started writing this morning, I felt peace. But now, the household is up, getting coffee, tea, and brekky, Sienna is banging plastic on the floor and squealing, and I realize that to this peace is added a quiet joy.
Maybe this longing fulfilled of a peaceful, hopeful life will become a strong and mighty tree in me.
Heidi-friend, you ARE planted by streams of water. Maybe the problem is not so much your own strength, but that you have been giving it away in amounts that should not be required of you. You are generous. So, for a gift to Jesus and to me, take care of You. Glad you have had a word of encouragement and a surgeon to hack out misplaced guilt.
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