Can't help meself

Okay, I'm on a roll.

Here we go:

On Australia by Barry Humphries, 1981...
Australia is like a jacuzzi of Bailey's Irish Mist, sort of syrupy and rather too warm. It's interesting that a country that prides itself on its liberty has so many restrictions on it. But then we have a lot of people here in Australia who are natural public servants. I did a little research and found that most public servants can trace their ancestry to convicts. They were in the service and prefer to remain so.

The Australian Desert by Patrick White, 1981:
I've never been very far into the Australian desert. And what's more, I'm determined never to go.

A True Australian by Barry Humphries, 1980:
To be a true Australian you have to dislike everybody from anywhere else. [In fairness, I have to say I have been welcomed as an American here by almost everyone.]

The Curse of Australia by The London Observer: 1981
Flies are the curse of Australia and probably the reason why Australians tend to be irascible. [I hate the flies!!!!]

On Australia, by Patrick White, 1981:
"This sophisticated country is still, alas, a colonial sheep run." [in Victoria at least, this is true]

Some Australian one-liners:

You're as clumsy as a duck in a ploughed paddock.

He was meaner than a goldfield Chinaman, and sharper than a sewer rat.

He's got more corrugations on his belly than a thousand-gallon [rain] tank.

She's as skinny as a sapling with the wood scraped off.

He's as mad as a two-bob watch.

She's a whopper...fully three axe handles across the hips.

All behind like Barney's bull.

He's so mean that when a fly lands in the sugar he shakes its feet before he kills it.

She'd walk ten feet under water with a snorkel in her mouth.

Flash as a rat with a gold tooth.

He wouldn't shout in a shark attack.

If those two blokes were alone in a bar together, they'd die of thirst.

Brains! If your brains was gunpowder, they wouldn't blow off yer hat!

That man was too mean to hang himself.

She's mad as a bag of cut snakes.

Amuse your friends and neighbors with these...even if you don't know what they mean.