More on Aussie language

Last week Steve and I picked up his youngest daughter, 16-year-old Stephanie, from where she lives with her mum and brought her to our house. She is learning to drive. But she wasn't driving on this day...she was in the backseat.

In Australia, those who are 16 can get an "L Plate," which is a 6-inch by 6-inch yellow plastic square with a big, black letter "L" in the middle and must be placed in prominent positions on the front and back of the car. The "Learner" must be accompanied at all times by an adult when driving, and the plastic moniker lets every other driver know they need to steer clear, and give them a brake. And I do mean "brake." At age 18, they get a red plastic square of the same dimensions with a black "P" in the middle which means "probationary driver." They can drive alone, but have specific rules to follow. At age 21, they get a regular driver's license with no plastic plates to warn other drivers how old they are.

I rather like the idea of knowing younger drivers' status.

Anyway, while we were on the way to our house, Stephanie told her dad about her latest adventures as an "L Plater," and mentioned that she finds it hard to keep concentration on the road and also look at the speedometer to check her speed. Steve said that some newer models of cars have put "speedos on the windscreen."

I knew what he meant. But "speedo" in Australia is short for speedometer, and windscreen is windshield. Even with knowing that, the picture that flashed through my American brain was a very small, tight, spandex swimming accoutrement that old men wear on the beach when they think they are being very sexy. Here they are called "budgie stranglers." Budgies, or budgerigars, are very small parrots...in America they are parakeets. So in the free-thinking Australian mind, this is a joke to say that men wear "budgie stranglers" if they wear that type of swimsuit. You can only imagine what the "budgie" is inside the swimsuit.

When Steve said "speedo on the windscreen," I dissolved into fits of giggles, which he understood but for which Stephanie needed a translator.

I have truly had to learn a new language.

And so I feel a need to write about this. I have compiled several items of cultural language differences, which I think Americans may have use for someday, or at least to astound your friends and family members with.

The unusual language has inspired Microsoft to add uniquely Australian words in its new Office software, according to Holly Life from Melbourne's Herald Sun.

For example: "He said G'day to the bogan, who wore trackies and was driving a ute. In the past, that sentence would have sent your spellcheck into overdrive."

Translated, that means "He said 'hello' to the redneck who was wearing sweatpants and driving his flatbed work truck." If he went to Macca's for brekky, it would mean he went to McDonald's for breakfast.

Twenty Aussie words were added to the Australian English language option, as the result of more than 24,000 Australians who had their say in an online poll. (Remember the total population of Australia is roughly 20 million...about the size of New York State in a country the same size as the United States.)

G'Day came out on top, followed by "sickie," (a sick day from work,) "ute," a type of truck with a flatbed, "trackies," (sweat pants,) and "bogan," (redneck.)

Other new words include: "dag," (looking ugly,) "sheila," (girl/woman,) "Uluru," (Ayers Rock,) "galah," (a funny, playful parrot, but also someone who is silly,) "jackaroo," (inexperienced farm hand,) "dob," (turn in, as in "dob" in a drunk driver, or drink driver as it is called here,) "bonza," (really great, cool, fabulous,) "cockie," (a farmer...harks back to the bad drought eras where farmers lived on cockatoo meat,) "dinky di," (truthful, honest,) "ugg," (I don't know what that word means, but they are specific boots and slippers,) "ridgy-didge," (just right, or fair dinkum.)

Arvo is short for "afternoon," as in "meet you this arvo." Mozzies are mosquitoes, British citizens are referred to as Pommies (POMEs or just POMs, which means Prisoner of Mother England. Aussies are sensitive about their British ties, as this southern hemisphere colony was founded by those deemed criminals by England; types of crime include stealing a turnip or two, or a handkerchief). No wonder my British friend Denise doesn't like to be called a Pom! Barracking means "supporting or going for a specific team" in Cricket or Footy. I learned the hard way that "rooting" for a sports team is an embarrassing term, as rooting here has sexual connotations. I asked someone who they were rooting for and got a very queer look.

Here are a few more embarrassing conversations I've had:

I mentioned to a group of people that a lot of cranberries are imported from the Pacific Northwest. I was asked how they are grown. I described a bog. As I continued in my dissertation, I noticed the room had gone quiet and people were looking at me with smirks. Mercifully, someone explained to me that "bogs" in Australia are sewage ponds.

I also attended a party that specialized in buying women's clothing, regular and intimate. Part of the display were bras. The hostess explained about bras for the fuller figure that had thicker straps. For the smaller figure, there was a demonstration where a small pocket in the bottom of the "cup" is for lift, and to give the impression of a fuller bust. She said to stick "chicken fillets" in it. I snorted in laughter, but no one else did. I got some funny looks. "Oh no," I thought. "I've done it again." Later that evening I learned that there are soft rubber pieces designed to fit into that pocket, and that they are called "chicken fillets." My overactive mind thought that Australian women actually put frozen pieces of chicken breast into the bra...and I marvelled at how uncomfortable that would be, and at the end of the day, pretty smelly.

In Australia, when someone has a fit of anger, they are said to have "spit the dummy," which is a term for an infant who has spit out his/her pacifier.

"Stone the crows," is a term of frustration.

A "bluey" is an argument, unless you have red hair and blue eyes, and it is your nickname, (as in the case of Steve in his Navy days.)

"Macca" is a shortened term for anyone whose name starts with "Mc" or "Mac." McDonalds fast food place is called "Maccas."

To "shout" anything at a pub or restaurant means you are paying for everyone's, or someone's drink and/or meals.

"Flat out like a lizard drinking," means you are extremely busy.

"Chuck a wobbly," means extremely irate and you have thrown a fit.

"Dry as a dead dingo's donger," means you are terribly thirsty.

"Bung it on ," means you are trying to fool someone.

"Blowies" are blowflies that feed on dead flesh. They remind me of the Hindenberg, large, fat, and very slow. They are often found at barbecues, and swept away with a diligent hand. And because they are so slow, it is easy to suck them up into a dustbuster if you find them on a wall. (Which I did last night.)

"Humping my bluey," means carrying a bag and camping gear, like a swagman (tramp) out in the "bush," a place in the outback or wooded areas.

"Spunky trunks," means sexy.

As Kevin Mitchell wrote for The Observer in the United Kingdom, "Australia is more than a country. It's a revelation. Going there for the first time is like seeing a slightly skewed version of yourself. How did they get to talk like that? Why are they shouting at me? How can they drink more than one can of that awful lager? And why are they so bloody friendly?"

"Australians have a sense of humor that relies heavily on what you might call fond abuse, so don't be offended; be pleased they're being rude to you. It comes just before they buy you a "middy," (9 oz of freezing cold lager) or, if they really like you, a schooner (about three-quarters of a pint.) And be sure to get your "shout" in because they are a bit strong on that sort of thing...

"Australians (like everyone else) appreciate it if you know a little bit about their culture and peculiarities, as well as their heroes and villains...Australian television is consistently appalling, and always has been. [We get a lot of American television programs which are a year or so old, and also British programs which people think are hilarious, but I think are stupid.] So, avoid the "box" except for checking the weather. Even that's redundant. While it does rain, especially in Melbourne, [an hour from where I live] you're more likely to get burnt than drowned."

"If there is a bit of a trick to surviving an Australian tour, it is in the language. Here is a brief guide, subject to change, given Australians' gift for improvisation:

Your basic form of insult: you are a "bit of a dill" if you act like "a goose," and show all the intellectual qualities of a galah [a pink and grey playful parrot]. Once, you might have been "mad as a two-bob watch," but Australia has been metric since 1966, so that one has faded into antiquity."

"[British] Cockneys who imagine theirs is the only rhyming slang will be disabused of that notion soon enough. It flourishes in Australia. You can go "jungle jimming," (swimming) at Bondi Beach, avoiding the "afters," (after dark--sharks), then step out in your "bag of fruit," (swimming suit.) ..If you're going to "leg it," (disappear) from some embarrassing situation, you can "Harold," or bolt. Harold Holt was an Australian Prime Minister who disappeared after going for a swim [during the Vietnam War.]

"Nobody actually calls beer 'the amber nectar' any more either, although it is well known that a 'pot" does not necessarily have anything to do with marijuana, but is a small beer in Victoria..."

[If you ask for "pot plants" in Australia, the nursery owner will lead you to the potted plant section. But if you're in America, (as one of my Aussie friends who lives in Battle Ground has found out,) and ask for "pot plants," you get a strange look and a reply, "I don't know where you're from, but we can't sell that here."]

Well, here I am. In a land where I should learn a new language in order to survive. One more anecdote:

I have found that even if I say the "right thing" to make clear what I want, my accent gets me into trouble.

While Steve and I vacationed recently on the Gold Coast, we found a little cafe that served breakfast. I ordered a vegetable omelet and "wadder." That's how it sounds to Australians who correctly and succinctly pronounce, "watah." Emphasis on the "t" sound. The server brought my omelet and asked if there was anything else. She forgot the water. So I asked for "wadder." She looked at me, confused, and told me the butter is right in front of me. I said politely, "No, what I want is wadder." Perplexed, she went to the front of the table and handed me a foil-wrapped butter packet, and told me "here is the butter." I looked at Steve, my translator, and he said, "She wants watah." "OH!" said the waitress. And I got a tepid glass of water.

I can't wait for my American family and friends to visit so you can all experience this other form of life and language in the Land Down Under. It's amazingly fresh, frustrating at times, but always entertaining.